Raleigh, Raleigh, Raleigh, get your Durham here!

For the record, this post will have no pictures. But I promise you that you'll be laughing by the end. You'd probably laugh more if I could do this story in person, but this will have to do. It's going to be a novel, so go grab a soda.

After Conor left Seattle, I had 3 more days to spend with friends and family before I really moved out to Durham for good. I was able to spend a lot of time with my mom, I tried to squeeze in time with Denise, Ali and Pax, I had to get Conor's car ready to sell (if you are interested in a '99 Nissan Maxima, please reply to this post), and I got together with friends as much as I could. Brandi had Horia, Sonia, Peder, Macy, Heidi and I over to her house one more time before we all parted ways until Christmas, and the next morning I embarked on what will officially be my favorite day of flying ever.

My first flight to Minneapolis was uneventful - I don't even remember the person I sat next to, and I tried to sleep as much as I could. My connecting flight to RDU was pretty close, so I had to run off the plane, quickly grab a Subway sandwich and catch my next flight. I had my rolling bag, a shoulder bag, my sandwich bag and a soda - needless to say it was going to be hard to get my rolling bag into the overhead storage, so when I got to my window seat, there was someone already in the aisle seat. He had his tray table down, and I politely told him that I was sitting in the window seat, and I asked if I could set my drink on his tray table so I could put my bag up. After a 15 second pause and no reaction, I finally just set it down, threw my bag up, and grabbed my drink again. I then reminded him that I was sitting in the window seat and I needed to get in, and that's when I knew that I probably wouldn't forget this flight anytime soon. I want everyone to know that I am not one to make fun of people with disabilities. One of my favorite students of all time was a wonderful girl with mental retardation. She was hilarious - she knew exactly what was funny, and she could make me laugh everyday - I still think of her all the time, and I'm sure that as I type this, she is making her 6th grade teacher laugh right now!

The man in the aisle seat finally cleared off the fruit cup, milk glass, and potato chip bag from the tray table so he could put it up and get out to let me in. I was standing past my seat so he could get out, and I'm not exaggerating when I tell you that I saw between 9-10 inches of butt crack as he got out of his seat. The woman across the aisle from him actually jumped in her seat and buried her head in her husband's shoulder at the sight of it. I squeezed in and buckled in for the ride of my life.

I could tell right away that he had some form of disability, and I decided to let him introduce himself to me, if he wanted to. Plus, I wasn't sure if there would be someone sitting between us, which there ended up not being. Tony, the flight attendant, came and introduced himself to the man, and I was trying to eavesdrop and figure out his name, but I couldn't quite understand. Before the plane took off, the mystery man finally turned to me and stuck out his hand.

Mystery Man: Hi there, I'm Alphonsus, what's your name? (In thick southern accent - Alphonsus is a black man in his mid 20's)
Me: My name is Cheryl, it's nice to meet you.
Alphonsus: Hello Michelle.
Me: No, my name is Cheryl.
A: That's what I said, Miss Cheryl. Do you have a dog?
Me: (holding back laughter at the quick transition between the two subjects) No, my dog just actually died a few months ago.
A: What was his name?
Me: Her name was Buddie.
A: What kind of dog was she?
Me: She was half golden retriever, half cocker spaniel
A: Oh.
Me: Do you have a dog?
A: No.
Me: Do you want a dog?
A: Yes, I want a doberman pinscher.
Me: Very cool.
A: Does anyone in your family have a doberman pinscher?
Me: No.
A: Does anyone in your family have a rottweiler?
Me: Um, no - not that I can think of.
A: Does anyone in your family have a German Shepherd?
Me: Nope.
A: Does anyone in your family have a Saint Bernard?
Me: No, no one does.
A: Does anyone in your family have a Boston Terrier?
Me: Nope.
A: Oh.

We stopped talking for a few minutes, we took off and I ate my Subway sandwich. I would also like everyone to know that I am absolutely not exaggerating about Alphonsus.

Me: So, what brings you out to Durham - are you going home, or going to visit?
A: My grandma just died.
Me: (oh crap, way to go Cheryl!) I'm so sorry the hear that, are you meeting family out here?
A: Yes, I'm from Lincoln, Nebraska. Where are from?
Me: Well, I'm from Seattle, Washington but I just moved to Durham, NC.
A: You're from Raleigh?
Me: Well, I'm going back to Raleigh because I live there now.
A: Are we in Raleigh right now?
Me: Well, when the plane lands, we'll be in Raleigh.
A: Are we in Raleigh right now?
Me: No, I'm not quite sure where we are actually.
A: Oh. Did you win?
Me: Excuse me?
A: Did you win?
Me: Did I win what?
A: Your Subway cup.
Me: Oh, Scrabble! No, I didn't win.

We stopped talking for a bit, and before the first round of drinks, a flight attendant walked by, and he started up a conversation with her.

A: What's your name?
FA: My name is Sally, what's your name?
A: Alphonsus. What happened to your arm?
(Story clarification: This woman had an arm band from shoulder to wrist)
FA: Oh, it's complicated.
A: Why are you wearing that, what happened to your arm?
FA: It was a complication from breast cancer.
A: You got breast cancer?
FA: I've been in remission for 3 years, so right now I am cancer free!
A: What happened to your arm?
FA: Um, well, I had radiation therapy, and the effects of the treatment scarred my arm, so I wear this band.

Sally the flight attendant quickly ran in the other direction so she didn't have to talk to Alphonsus anymore, now that 1/3 of the plane knew about her arm band. Awkward. After about 30 minutes of no conversation, Alphonsus laid this one on me.

A: Have you ever heard of the band New Edition?
Me: You mean with Bobby Brown?
A: Yeah.
Me: Yes, I have heard of New Edition.
A: Yeah, they're a great band. He is married to Whitney Houston.
Me: Yes, he was - I think they've split up though.
A: Yeah, that's right. I wonder what happened to their kids.
Me: Wow, gosh - I don't know.
A: Are we in Raleigh right now?
Me: No, we won't be in Raleigh until we land - I'm not sure where we are.

Really Alphonsus, New Edition? And to think, we've only been in the air for an hour. At this point, I decided to snooze for a bit, and when I woke up, Alphonsus was hunched over his tray table filling something out.

A: (staring at the form in front of him) How many zeroes are in 500?
Me: There are only 2 zeros in 500. (I watched as Alphonsus scratched out two zeroes from the form he was working on.
A: Like this?
Me: (Sneaking a peak at the form, I realized it was a Delta Airlines form to fill out so you can get approved for a credit card and receive 25,000 frequent flyer miles. The form currently said 5,000, not 500.) No, that says 5,000, you still need to take away one more zero.

Once Alphonsus finished writing down 500, I realized what the number was for - annual income. I have a feeling his credit card application will be denied - they may be a bit skeptical when they see that the number started out at $500,000 and ended up at $500.

This was pretty much the last major conversation I had with Alphonsus, besides the constant asking of "Are we in Raleigh right now?" Once we started our decent into RDU Airport, he was so excited that we were finally in Raleigh, and he couldn't get over the fact that it was such a short flight - I think he may have mentioned it a few 15 times.

I was lucky enough to catch that 10 inch butt crack one more time before Alphonsus and I parted ways forever - no other passenger will ever entertain like Alphonsus can. If I want to make Conor laugh, all I have to say are those five special words - "Do you have a dog?"